What "counts" as sex with another woman? This is the most common question I get when people find out I sleep with other people with vaginas. A bit invasive and rude, sure-but I get it. We live in a society that generalizes sex as a "P-in-V" situation.
Not only is it percent possible to have satisfying sex with another woman or vulva owner, but there's also way more than one way to have sex with another woman. For some, it might be oral sexfor others it might be mutual masturbation," explains clinical sexologist Megan StubbsEd. But there are so many boxes to choose from! And let it be known that, while "lesbian sex" clearly connotates sex between two women or people with vaginas, you don't have to identify as a lesbian to enjoy female-on-female sex. Maybe you're bisexual, maybe you're pansexual, or maybe you're just following a vibe that feels right.
FYI: A study showed that more women were having sex with women than ever before.
With that in mind, this guide touches on some of the most common sex acts between two people with vaginas. Scroll down to learn what you need to know about having first-time lesbian sex and how to do it safely. Just like all things in sex, everyone is different. Some people will want hard and fast flicks directly on the clitoris, while others prefer slowly having their outer lips or G-spot rubbed. That's why, whether this your very first encounter with another vulva and vagina or your th, you should go into it with a beginner's mentality.
Ask questions! Check in! Pay attention to how your partner responds to your touch and adjust your pressure and technique accordingly. If and only if your partner indicates that they want to be penetrated, don't be afraid to get your hands in there.
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And by hands, I mean one finger. Start slow. Slide one maybe two fingers along her slit until they're lubricated, then slide them inside slowly, then faster. Switch between the two rhythms and ask her which she prefers. Maybe you've heard-or know from experience-that the G-spot can be incredibly pleasurable for some women.
Remember that all bodies are different
Resident sexpert Logan Levkoff Ph. If you feel this in your partner, go ahead and make a "come-hither" gesture. See how your partner responds.
PSA: Trim your nails. Everyone's preferences for their nails are different, but if you're going to be digitally penetrating a person with a vagina, then smooth, non-craggy, and short nails are preferred. The vulva and vagina are sensitive and nothing ruins the mood quite like a scratch. For many women, the most daunting part of sleeping with another woman is oral sex. Good news: "It's really not that complicated," says Jess Melendeza sex educator for O. Your best bet is to start slow.
Kiss your way down south. Kiss and lick your partner's thighs, hips, everywhere. When your partner is ready which you might find out by asking, "Can I taste you now? Depending on your partner's anatomy, this may help you find their clit. Lick your way up and the down the labia.
Now, have fun. Vary the pressure. Spell your name in cursive with your tongue seriously, it works. Move your tongue in circles.
Then move it side to side or up and down. As you experiment, pay attention to how your partner is reacting. And ask them what they like. Not all sex is penetrative sex, and introducing a strap-on into your play is absolutely not a must.
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In fact, "not all vulva owners enjoy penetrative sex or will feel comfortable experimenting with a strap-on," says Melendez. That's why you need to have an open dialogue with your partner. If you both want to try strap-on sex, it's going to take a little foresight because you'll need a harness and dildo and lube! In case you haven't yet gone dildo shopping: Like vibratorsthey come in all different shapes and sizes. Some are super phallic and have veins and are skin-toned while others are sparkly or rainbow and less reminiscent of a penis.
Don't let your eyes be bigger than, well, your vagina. There are all sorts of harnesses too. For example, you can get more coverage with a boxer-style harnessbut may find you have more control when you use a strap-style harness.
You've got your equipment.
Let’s talk about sex, baby
Now what? If you're the person wearing the harness or the penetrator, Stubbs offers the following advice: "Practice doing some thrusts ahead of time. It doesn't have to be silly. Just get used to the feeling, the weight. Maybe try masturbating with it. Also: Go slow, use lube, and give your partner time to get used to you. If you're the partner being penetrated, give feedback. Communicate with your partner. Does it feel good?
Do you like the depth? The angle? Your first time having lesbian sex with a strap-on might be the best thing in the world. But it also might feel a little clumsy and awkward just like almost all first-time sex, lesbian or not. That's normal; there's a learning curve.
Yep, the butt is up for ahem grabs too. If your partner likes the sensation of your fingers, you might ask them if they'd like to feel your tongue, or use a butt plug. Try moving your finger or tongue in different directions and rhythms pulsing, circular, etc and check in with your partner about what feels good.
Eventually, you and partner might graduate to using a butt-plug Sinclair's favorite is the Novice Plug but it's okay if you don't get there your first time sleeping together or ever. The above aren't the only things you and your partner can do. You might try scissoring, dry humping, nipple play, spanking and BDSM, erotic massage, fisting, or masturbating next to each other. It can be easy to question whether or not you "should" be doing something the first time you have sex with another woman, or whether or not something "counts" as sex, but this can take you out of the moment and into your mind, which can take away from your and your partner's!
There's a misconception that sex with another woman is safe sex.
You can get an STI from sleeping with anyone," says Stubbs. That's why-just like when you sleep with folks without vulvas- practicing safe sex is important. Phrases like "Have you been tested recently? Many STIs like herpes, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis can be transmitted through oral sex, so if you're going down on your partner, use a dental dam a thin piece of latex used to create a safe-sex barrier during oralsuggests Stubbs. They're easy enough to use: You just hold them over the to-be-licked area. There are also dental dam harnesses -which are deed to hold dental dams in place in the front or back for oral or butt play-if you'd prefer to have both hands free.